How Do You Bring Up the Discussion With Your Partner?
- You Have an Immediate Spark
This one feels obvious, but it’s easy to forget. Did you have a spark of attraction when you first met? Even if your first forays into sex were a bit awkward, you should have some chemistry from the beginning.
- You Have Similar Sexual Expectations
People have sex for all kinds of reasons. Some people might have sex to fulfill their needs or release themselves. Others might prioritize intimacy and connect with their partner. Some people don’t care much about sex, while others think it’s the most critical part of their relationship.
Expectations are important, too. Some people like to be silly and playful in the bedroom, while others like it was intense and severe. While some might enjoy a more stable or vanilla sex life, others love exploring new things and playing out new fantasies.
If you and your partner aren’t on the same page about expectations, it can be a lot harder to work things out in the long run.
- You’re Good at Communicating
Communication is the backbone of any relationship and a necessary part of healthy and consenting sex. When it comes to sexual compatibility, it’s just as critical.
You and your partner should have honest conversations about your desires and boundaries. What are you looking for in the bedroom?
- They Respond Well to Your Needs
Have you ever asked for something in the bedroom (like your partner going down on you, trying a new sex position, or exploring a desire of yours)? If you’ve already given some direction on how you’d like it done, take a moment to consider how they responded. Did they act confused or uninterested? Or did they look interested or excited to respond to your desires?
You should be able to exchange feedback and openly discuss problems in your sex life
This doesn’t mean that they should be following your every whim without question, but it can be a great way to gauge how responsive they are to your needs – and how much effort they’re willing to put in to make sure you’re satisfied.
If you’re ready to communicate with your partner, then congratulations! That’s the first – and most important – step towards figuring out your sexual compatibility. Now, it’s time actually to sit down and have the hard conversations.
That doesn’t mean it needs to be all serious, however. Don’t be afraid to use this conversation as an opportunity. Express your feelings, desires, and what you think would turn you on in the bedroom. You can get a sense of how they respond to those thoughts, as well as some of their desires.
What If You and Your Partner Aren’t Sexually Compatible?
You’ve filled out the quiz. You’ve had an honest discussion with your partner. And it doesn’t feel like things are lining up. Does this mean you and your partner are doomed to fail?
- How significant are the differences? If you want to have sex more often and your partner doesn’t, you might be able to resolve it with some compromise. If you’re going to try kink play and pegging, however, and your partner says it’s a hard no, then it might be harder to resolve.
How much are you willing to compromise? Even when it comes to compromising, nobody should be doing anything that crosses a boundary or makes them uncomfortable. Neither you nor your partner should be making tremendous sacrifices.
- How much effort are you willing to put in? If you’re open to compromise to fulfill your partner’s needs, but you aren’t sensing the same energy in return, your efforts might fall flat.